GO WHERE YOU ARE LOVED

Finding places where you belong is hard and trying to understand yourself is harder. It always seems fitting in and being something we are not for the sake of normalcy is a much easier route to take. But what if even when you try to fit in or be something you are not, you still find yourself adrift with nothing to hold on to? Anyway enough with trying to sound philosophical, the point I am trying to make is very straight forward. Go where you are loved. We have people that love and care about us, be it family or friends, let’s ensure that they know that we love and care about them as well. I have been thinking a lot about this lately as I have been analyzing my interactions with people. My normal mode of keeping in touch is Whatsapp, I am coming around to phone calls but do not ever attempt to video call me, you shall not be answered. And in the irony of all ironies, one of the things that has inspired this post is unanswered messages. I have been on the unanswered end a number of times and to be honest, it sucks. If I am making an effort to talk to you and you do not respond, I get offended, no lie, but I have come to realize that it also lets me know where I stand in your life. In some cases, I have effectively removed myself from the picture and been all the better for it. There are some people we meet, we hold them dear and they become good friends, some we meet, you try to develop a friendship but they do not seem eager, so you might force matters by trying to say hello or respond to a status they post but you only get back a one liner or silence. Some will only text when they need something. There are also those we once were close to but due to distance, time, and other factors, things are no longer the same, and we might want to rebuild these relationships. This can also be a vice versa situation where you are the one not committed to building a relationship but today, I want to speak to those on the receiving end. There are people whom we would not want to look dumb in their presence and do our best to be likeable. When they text, we respond promptly although they never extend that same courtesy to us. The same analogy can also be applied to people we like romantically but I want to focus on the platonic. Romantic rejection is a different level of pain that deserves its own blog (Vama love, you can die, so they say, lol). I have come to the conclusion that we should go where we are loved. Invest in people who invest in us. I have had cases of people saying they will be there and yet when you reach out, silence. You ask for something, they do not respond. Rejection is hard, and personally I muse a lot on unanswered texts. I know I do not answer every text promptly and sometimes leave conversations hanging and I hope to do better in this arena. It is hard to accept that we are not relevant or no longer relevant to folks but I say, let’s accept it. Let’s focus on strengthening those bonds that we have or perhaps maybe even build new ones where possible, I argue that one is never too old to make a new friend. In this age of social media, it is very easy to get caught up in the world of online likes and approval but of what substance is that to us in the actual world. If we are posting statuses and pictures just for the sake of likes, I say let’s re-evaluate, I am not saying it is wrong to post photos, but I hope our sense of self or worth is not rooted in that. It is also easy to neglect familial relationships especially in this age of cellphones and social media, some of us tend to be glued to our phones, trying to keep up with the happenings of the world and chasing likes. We might crave that one particular person’s attention or a certain group of folks’ attention but I say let’s put our phones down and talk to our parents, siblings, and other loved ones. Once we find those spaces where we belong, where our souls feel at rest, let’s go there. We will automatically fit in and won’t have to change a thing about ourselves for we will be loved and cherished just as we are.

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